It can rouse serious spells of anxiety about dynamics that don’t exist and threats that aren’t even tangible. However, our critical inner voice tends to terrorize and catastrophize reality. We can experience pain, and eventually, heal. In truth, we can handle the hurts and rejections that we so fear. When it comes to all of the things we worry ourselves about in relationships, we are much more resilient than we think. It’s that critical inner voice that colored your thinking, distorted your perceptions, and ultimately, led you down a destructive path.
The culprit behind this self-fulfilling prophecy isn’t the situation itself. You’ve now effectively forced the distance you initially feared. Instead of enjoying the time you have together, you may waste an entire night feeling withdrawn and upset with each other. Pretty soon, you’ve completely shifted the dynamic between you. You may act angry or cold, which then sets your partner off to feel frustrated and defensive. She doesn’t even love you anymore.” These thoughts can snowball in your mind until, by the time your partner gets home, you’re feeling insecure, furious or paranoid. Sitting home alone, your inner critic starts telling you, “Where is she? Can you really believe her? She probably prefers being away from you. For example, imagine your partner stays at work late one night. We may start to act out in destructive ways, making nasty comments or becoming childish or parental toward our significant other. When we get in our heads, focusing on these worried thoughts, we become incredibly distracted from real relating with our partner. Basically, it feeds us a consistent stream of thoughts that undermine our happiness and make us worry about our relationship, rather than just enjoying it. It can promote hostile, paranoid and suspicious thinking that lowers our self-esteem and drives unhealthy levels of distrust, defensiveness, jealousy and anxiety. This critical inner voice makes us turn against ourselves and the people close to us. “You’ll never meet anyone, so why even try?” “You’re too ugly/fat/boring to keep his/her interest.” The “ critical inner voice” is a term used to describe the mean coach we all have in our heads that criticizes us, feeds us bad advice and fuels our fear of intimacy. it’s the things we tell ourselves about what’s going on. Ironically, this fear often arises when we are getting exactly what we want, when we’re experiencing love as we never have or being treated in ways that are unfamiliar.Īs we get into a relationship, it isn’t just the things that go on between us and our partner that make us anxious. To a certain degree, we all possess a fear of intimacy. On many levels, both conscious and unconscious, we become scared of being hurt. The more we value someone else, the more we stand to lose. Put simply, falling in love challenges us in numerous ways we don’t expect.
How can we keep our anxiety in check and allow ourselves to be vulnerable to someone we love? What Causes Relationship Anxiety? Learning more about the causes and effects of relationship anxiety can help us to identify the negative thinking and actions that can sabotage our love lives. At its worst, our anxiety can even push us to give up on love altogether. It can lead us to create distance between ourselves and our partner. Thoughts come flooding in like: “Can this last?” “Do I really like him/her?” “Should we slow down?” “Am I really ready for this kind of commitment?” “Is he/she losing interest?”Īll this worrying about our relationships can make us feel pretty alone. In fact, as things get closer between a couple, anxiety can get even more intense. If and when people do start dating, the early stages can present them with endless worries: “Does he/she really like me?” “Will this work out?” “How serious is this?” Unfortunately, these worries don’t tend to subside in the later stages of a romantic union. For many single people, just the thought of being in a relationship can stir up stress. Relationship anxiety can arise at pretty much any stage of courtship. Relationships can be one of the most pleasurable things on the planet… but they can also be a breeding ground for anxious thoughts and feelings. Critical Inner Voice, Fear of Intimacy, Relationship Advice, Relationship Problems, Relationships